Humans are capable of producing a great variety of colors of voice. We can imitate many different sounds. I think this may have been the main cause of my failure with voice training. I read time and time again “do not trust your own ear” but never paid heed and I paid an awful price for my arrogance and stupidity. So many of the different colors of voice I produced over the years fooled me for a long time into thinking they were the right ones. Only after years of sticking with it did I finally give it up and try something else. Had I seen a teacher each time my voice changed, they probably would have saved me years of frustration. What a fool I was.
I have spent the last 30 years unsuccessfully trying to find the correct voice. I made the mistake of going it alone, I am completely self-taught. A tragedy really as no one should do it that way. This was mainly because I could not afford any other way, but also because it was mostly just for pleasure, as a hobby and for speech and not singing (at least that’s what I kept telling myself). Only in later life did I try to use the voice for singing. However, I am not a musician and so know little about music, often cannot sing in tune or keep time.
I have tried endless techniques and read numerous books on vocal technique. I have had major problems with my tongue and jaw being very tight.
I will try to tell you as much as I can about my mistakes in the hope you will not make them.
Sometimes in life when I truly relax and feel wonderfully rested, and refreshed…well, it is just a great feeling. This is what I sometimes feel when I sing. I firmly believe a good vocal technique is healthy as it releases tensions and a free open sound is itself relaxing. For me there really is a great joy and pleasure in singing…when I do it in a certain way. Trouble is that it does not always work like that. Sometimes I feel soreness in the throat no matter what I do. I think the following sums it up for me. This is from my diary January 12, 2008.
“But I also found that I have to get this sensation that I am “letting go” of holding anything, before I can feel I am able to sing completely free. That is when it really is a joy to sing and I do not want to stop. I just feel like singing forever. It is what makes me most proud of all the work I have put in. To feel such freedom in the body is like flying or running like the wind. Then there is no longer any thought of “trying” or “competing” but just the wonderful pleasure of singing or speaking.”